Sometimes I feel like a failure

The past week and this week as well have been horrendous weeks. Unbelievably busy, with no entire day off either week. I have been stressed to the point of tears. I did get some time at home in the afternoon yesterday and then this morning I decided not to come in to the church until 11 AM...after all, all I needed to do was plan my confirmation lesson and briefly run over the Lenten service for tonight.

But when I came through the door, our usually good-humored secretary was in a state. I've never seen her so upset. She jabbed her index finger right at me when I came in the door and I knew I was in trouble. And with good reason. I had promised to give her my sermon title and the revisions to the bulletin by this morning...and in the stress of things I had promptly forgotten. Somehow our office list of phone numbers was M.I.A. so she was unable to get in touch with me. And without the information she needed, she was unable to print the bulletin (her task for the morning).

I was tremendously disappointed in myself for treating her time so lightly. I've worked in a support position in a church office before and I know how utterly frustrating it is when people give you information at the last minute.

I really did understand why she was upset. It must have been really frustrating for her this morning. Consequently, I have walked away all day feeling like a slack-off...a poor employee...I've been trying overly hard to please everybody here today. I'm so upset at myself.

It's at times like these that I wonder why I can't give myself the freedom to just be human and make mistakes. Of course what I did was wrong, but why can't I admit that and leave it at that....it's like I am inwardly compelled to be perfect...and any failure at all just levels me.

Clearly, I still have some things to learn about God's grace...