what's love, anyway?
I can't help it.
The heart will do what it wills.
We just couldn't stop ourselves.
All of these are sometimes heard as statements that reflect our ultimate cultural idea of what love is. Love is a passionate feeling that compels you. And sure...it usually starts out that way. We fall hopelessly in love with the splendid attributes (and perhaps splendid behind?) of our beloved. All the world is spring. Our heart sings. We will be happy forever!
But then you get married. And your husband throws his socks on the floor...repeatedly. Or your wife doesn't get all dressed up anymore. Everyday life sets in. And you think back to the days when you were single and everything was an exciting discovery. You might wonder, what have I gotten myself into?
But it is at this time (when your feelings are challenged with reality) that love really has the opportunity to set in. Our culture tells us that you know you're in love when you feel it. But I would contend that real love starts when you have moments when you don't feel it. In those everyday moments, the most precious parts of love can develop. I think the most beautiful aspects of love that I have seen have been also shot through with pain and reality. One spouse caring for the other who has Alzheimers. Spouses who love even when they are tired and weary. Growing old and wrinkly together.
And the good news is...when the feelings go...they will return again. I married, fully expecting days when I "wouldn't feel it." It's still newlywed time, so those days aren't too frequent...in fact, when it happens, it doesn't tend to last more than a few hours. But I know that times will come that are difficult and trying. I know times will come when I will be tempted. I know times will come when I will be frustrated. The good news is that this does not mean the end of love. Rather, it means the beginning of its maturing. And if I hang in there, the feelings will return...perhaps with greater depth and richness than the whispy, perfumy springtime of love.
The heart will do what it wills.
We just couldn't stop ourselves.
All of these are sometimes heard as statements that reflect our ultimate cultural idea of what love is. Love is a passionate feeling that compels you. And sure...it usually starts out that way. We fall hopelessly in love with the splendid attributes (and perhaps splendid behind?) of our beloved. All the world is spring. Our heart sings. We will be happy forever!
But then you get married. And your husband throws his socks on the floor...repeatedly. Or your wife doesn't get all dressed up anymore. Everyday life sets in. And you think back to the days when you were single and everything was an exciting discovery. You might wonder, what have I gotten myself into?
But it is at this time (when your feelings are challenged with reality) that love really has the opportunity to set in. Our culture tells us that you know you're in love when you feel it. But I would contend that real love starts when you have moments when you don't feel it. In those everyday moments, the most precious parts of love can develop. I think the most beautiful aspects of love that I have seen have been also shot through with pain and reality. One spouse caring for the other who has Alzheimers. Spouses who love even when they are tired and weary. Growing old and wrinkly together.
And the good news is...when the feelings go...they will return again. I married, fully expecting days when I "wouldn't feel it." It's still newlywed time, so those days aren't too frequent...in fact, when it happens, it doesn't tend to last more than a few hours. But I know that times will come that are difficult and trying. I know times will come when I will be tempted. I know times will come when I will be frustrated. The good news is that this does not mean the end of love. Rather, it means the beginning of its maturing. And if I hang in there, the feelings will return...perhaps with greater depth and richness than the whispy, perfumy springtime of love.
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