Finding pure joy with no apologies

I'm going through a time in my life when I am trying to open my heart to joy. I think that in the past, due to a lot of change and pain in my life, I have closed my heart to joy all too often. Sometimes I felt guilty for feeling it, like it was my responsibility to be serious all the time. Sometimes I felt afraid of feeling it, because it could be taken away. But now I am starting to think about C.S. Lewis' phrase, "Surprised by Joy" and his belief that in the joy that we get at the deep down root of things, we experiencing something of the transcendent, something of God...something of our longing for heaven.

Some of the places I've found joy may seem to have absolutely nothing to do with God...but at the same time, I find myself thinking that joy wherever we find it is God's joy, just as truth wherever we find it is God's truth. So...I have been relishing the pure beauty of the deepening gold of the wheat fields...the drying and withering of the sunflowers fields...the gentle roll of the North Dakota hills...the answer in adult education from someone who "got the point"...the pleasure of service to others...and the pleasure of reading...and the deep down pleasure of a good "chick flick" when the music swells and the hero and heroine finally find each other (think "Bridget Jones" or "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"--or "The Wedding Date" when the secondary hero finds forgiveness for the heroine). Ahhh...satisfying...I think of just buying the "Dancing with the Stars" exercise video and finding pure, unadulterated joy in learning the steps for the paso doble (which is always my favorite dance on the show...it's so strong and powerful and in character). I think of the anticipation of my favorite shows starting on TV again...And the joy of watching the Food Network...The joy of a clean house. And all of it makes me say, "Thank you, God. I am so glad to be alive."

Pure joy...no apologies...

Even if pain is more familiar, in my experience...I am opening myself to this...

Hallelujah...