when the shining examples of leadership...aren't
In the past week, two situations regarding faculty at my seminary have exploded. Both faculty members had a positive impact on me. One taught me that it is important to live out our mission as the church. It's easy to forget the active nature of faith when you're Lutheran. She just came out as a lesbian, having left her husband and immediately started a gay relationship with a woman, bringing her kids into the mess. I wrote her what I thought was an intelligent, loving email. I just got her reply...she dismissed what I said as "graceless." She said she thought that person "once I matured more" I would see God's grace as she does. She ignored the impact I had told her her decisions would have on her kids. She said it was good for them to see God's grace in this way. She suggested I had not bothered to consider other perspectives...how would she know? I certainly have...but after a while, you have to stop asking questions and decide what you believe. You have to call a spade a spade, as my Mom likes to say. I am deeply troubled, almost brought to tears. In this relativistic society, we dare no longer call ANYTHING sin...We dare not challenge each other. It's live and let live, even in the church. Not that we should pry in each other's business all the time, but c'mon...there are key decisions of life that occur and in these, should we not have some voice to each other, if we are truly community?
Sometimes I just feel like giving up, trying to live in a church that increasingly is pushing a more and more touchy-feely agenda. God help us.
And then, THE most key professor to me in my time at seminary is currently the subject of an extensive rumor mill at seminary...there are all kinds of things he is said to have done, mostly in relation to him losing his temper in inappropriate ways. Even the leadership acknowledges that something is going on, although they won't say what yet. I find it hard to believe he did one of the things he is said to have done...it shakes my image of him. But at the same time, I cannot bear to see him go. He makes the place bearable for me. His theology is so sound. His pastoral ability is unmatched. It's hard to see your heroes have warts.
I put so much trust in my leaders. I look for good heroes and I perhaps almost idolize them...once they've earned my trust. But now I feel that trust is broken. It shakes me up. I have no good resolution for that. It just shakes me up.
And to think I may one day be someone's "spiritual hero," as a pastor...and won't I fumble the ball, too?
Sometimes I just feel like giving up, trying to live in a church that increasingly is pushing a more and more touchy-feely agenda. God help us.
And then, THE most key professor to me in my time at seminary is currently the subject of an extensive rumor mill at seminary...there are all kinds of things he is said to have done, mostly in relation to him losing his temper in inappropriate ways. Even the leadership acknowledges that something is going on, although they won't say what yet. I find it hard to believe he did one of the things he is said to have done...it shakes my image of him. But at the same time, I cannot bear to see him go. He makes the place bearable for me. His theology is so sound. His pastoral ability is unmatched. It's hard to see your heroes have warts.
I put so much trust in my leaders. I look for good heroes and I perhaps almost idolize them...once they've earned my trust. But now I feel that trust is broken. It shakes me up. I have no good resolution for that. It just shakes me up.
And to think I may one day be someone's "spiritual hero," as a pastor...and won't I fumble the ball, too?
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